Until Now

by October Evans

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The original demo and instrumental demo version of Until Now, which was originally released on April 29th, 2019, was recently re-recorded, reproduced, remastered, remixed and re-engineered at Robot Dog Studio with the assistance of a producer/co-producer duo known as Ryan Cohen and Robot, along with executive producer/co-producer October YouRain Evans, as part of an ongoing effort to revisit original demos and re-release them in better-sounding formats as an complete anthology album, slated for a 2020 release.

This was about my struggles over the years with C-PTSD, Depression, Gender Dysphoria and living life on the road for 10 years after losing my late wife to suicide and my late daughter to leukemia.

lyrics

Until now…
I’ve been lost searching for answers
Sleepless with eyes wide open
I never knew peace until I found myself here again
Until now…

I’ve been drifting away on icy seas
Never found hope on these lonely streets
Mistakes I made as I kept falling apart
Words I’ve said I meant from the heart
It was all gone until now…

There’s a light blinding me in my sleep
Restless nights in hotel rooms crying
Left on a train to Brattleboro
Never knew the meaning of home
I was too far gone until now…

Supposed to be left for dead
Lost in bottles of beer and pills
All the winters spent alone inside my head
No silence from my Post Traumatic Devils
Thought I was forever lost until now…

I finally unzipped out of this shell
I escaped this transphobic hell
Ohhh
Ohhh
Ohhh
So comfortable in my transgender skin
I wasn’t okay until I became a woman

credits

released September 6, 2019
Lyrics Written by October Rain Evans
Music by Dakoda Tanksley and October Rain Evans
Originally Recorded, Produced and Mixed by October Rain Evans, Dakoda Tanksley, Shawn Jameson and Amy Wilder at Chiaroscuro Music Studios
Re-Recorded, Remastered, Reproduced and Remixed by Ryan Cohen, October Rain Evans and Robot at Robot Dog Studio
Mastering Done by Robot Dog Studio
Deaf Grrrl Music/Trans Mad Genius Lyrics/sadistsateme.songwriting [ASCAP]
Dakoda Tanksley Music [BMI]
Engineer: Ryan Cohen
Assistant Engineer: Amy Wilder and Shawn Jameson
© ℗ 1999-2020 October Evans, Robot Dog Studio, Deaf Grrrl Music, Chiaroscuro Music Studios. All Rights Reserved.

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October Evans Fair Haven, Vermont

A Deaf non-binary/trans musician, singer-songwriter, multi-instrumentalist and solo artist from Vermont. Multi-genre crossover alternative music.

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